Hmmm....
I had my tubes tied about 30 minutes after I delivered Julia. I have the 1 1/2 inch scar above my belly button to prove it. Could I be the .003% of women that get pregnant after a tubal ligation? My obstetrician was clear that he totally cuts the tubes - not ties them, but a hard and definite cut.
Hmmm....
Could it be stress that is causing the delay in my period's arrival? This summer has been challenging in quite a few ways since Tim is not working and is home full time. But I don't think it's been stressful enough to cause a delay in my period starting. I've been sick, too, and have taken antibiotics this last month as well as used my inhaler several times. It's possible those are factors delaying the start of my period.
I got to thinking. I always do in these situations. What would I do if I really was pregnant? First of all, I'd be ecstatic. I'd praise God! How hilarious and wonderful of God to surprise me and give me another sweet, precious, delightful baby and all this time I never had to worry about birth control. Really cool. The really pressing question, though....
Who would I choose for my prenatal care and delivery of this baby?
As I tossed and turned last night, trying to get comfortable next to Daisy, who's been sick this week, I pondered that process of finding care. This is what I became adamant in my mind about: other than an emergency, I would only go to a midwife for prenatal care and childbirth help. I would look into a homebirth and get recommendations for several midwives, whom I would interview. I would also call my health insurance company and look at coverage with midwives, which facilities, which health insurance options would most closely suit my desires, and inquire about an insurance-reimbursed home birth.
I can't afford $4,000 for a certified nurse midwife to deliver my baby at home. However, I would find out under which conditions my insurance would cover a home birth, even partial reimbursement. I would argue the case, with professional documentation, that I suffered PTSD with my last delivery in a hospital and could not risk that again.
And I did suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (see http://www.angelfire.com/moon2/jkluchar1995/) with my last delivery. My step-sister-in-law, a trained psychotherapist who specializes in PTSD, diagnosed me early on. My therapist who saw me before and after Julia's birth would verify the same findings as well. (Although, I doubted it at first because I had no desire to harm Julia or myself. I just felt extremely depressed and "broken", and cried a lot. I still cry over the whole thing.) I would argue that point with as much medical data and information that I could to see how far that would take me with my insurance. My back up plan would be a midwife-attended delivery at a birth center, and then last resort would be a hospital. But one hospital would absolutely not even be included in that possibility.
And I would pray. I would pray before any conversation or decision was made. I would pray with every piece of information gathered, before and after every conversation regarding the whole decision-making process, and I would get counsel from trusted advisors.
I would trust God, because, with my last pregnancy I did more fact-finding and thoughtful decision-making than praying. But still, I did ask God for help, I did choose wisely the facility and obstetrician after much thorough research, and had trusted friends advise me throughout the process. So, I have learned, that no matter how careful you are in these decisions, God has his way. He is good, he can be trusted, and he works all things out for his good.
That being said, I'm sure I'll get my period today or tomorrow. If not, then I'll be praying! A lot!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
My period arrived this morning - after I bought a pregnancy test which was, of course, negative. I knew it would be. But - 5 days late is unbelievable for me. I'm getting older, though, and I've been sick this month with a horrible bout of bronchitis. So....interesting couple of days looking at that whole possibility of being pregnant at age 40 with six kids. I was certain that I would only do a home birth in the event I ever found myself pregnant again. How I would pay for it would be a whole other matter, and convincing Tim. But I really believe that I will never be pregnant again.
However, if anyone came to me for advice on these issues, I would most likely discuss the range of choices they had, advise them to pray and talk to others about it, and then direct them to a reputable midwife. I'd encourage them to consider a home birth, or at least a delivery with a midwife at a birth center, or deliver at a hospital and HIRE A DOULA. I would always encourage a woman to have a doula or someone they trusted, other than DH, with them at their delivery if it will be in a hospital. I'm relieved to not have these decisions anymore. Hopefully I can be of some help to someone else down the road some day.
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