Quite honestly, the rigors of nursing school were way beyond me too often. I had too many moments where I thought, "What am I doing here?! Was I crazy to think I could do this?!" And, "I don't know if I can make it. This is so hard!" The sheer volume of information I had to learn and then apply to challenging and sometimes badly written test questions was daunting. I got a couple of A's on tests, failed a couple others, but mostly squeezed by with B's and C's. I ended up with a "B" in my 5-unit Theory class every semester. I was never so proud of a "B" grade as I was at the end of my 3rd and 4th semesters of nursing school.
I had some wacky professors. I adored one, disliked one, and was afraid of one. One was sick for half of the semester and our clinical group was left with cancelled clinicals and a half-hearted substitute. I lost so many opportunities that first semester. I find myself challenged to pray for the one I disliked. There were so many bad attitudes exposed in my heart during nursing school. Self-pity, particularly during my third semester, reared its insidious, ugly head. I had to vigilantly stomp it out with cries of mercy to God. He was faithful to help me.
And then there were my classmates. Oh, those looney, shy, sweet, sassy and smart folks that I commiserated with. We bonded in so many ways. We laughed and teased one another often and in healing ways. I really love and cherish so many of them. I will miss them terribly.
NURSING SCHOOL WAS SO HARD
I've never studied so intensely in my whole life. I hated saying all too often to my husband and kids, "I can't do such and such. I have to study!" And I never feared failing as much as I did during nursing school. The very real threat of blowing it on tests, overthinking questions, not reading over that small box on the last page of the reading material and missing the answer on the test was nerve-wracking. It happened more than once. The worst part about tests was choosing wrong test answers even though I spent dozens of hours studying that material. Sometimes I just missed the point the question was asking, but it was so disheartening to know that my test score did not accurately reflect my knowledge. Oh well.
And then there were the clinical days. I had patients whom I liked so much. I was terrified of hurting them or making big mistakes. At the very beginning of my clinicals, I was nervous about even touching them! I had a lot of mental barriers to overcome. I also had to force myself to become more comfortable with touching people, feeling their bellies, looking at their backsides, listening to their hearts. Hands-on nursing care is such a vulnerable place to be. I was so grateful for all those kind patients who trusted me. And I completely understood the few that didn't! Ha!
I had encouraging, helpful, sweet nurses. And then I had a couple of monster nurses- one primarily. The blow to my ego and self-esteem was massive. Nursing school was so humbling.
AND IT WAS SO GOOD FOR ME
I am a very different person than I was four years ago. I am more comfortable with who I am, with discussing medical and health issues with people and more confident in my nursing abilities. And yet I have so much more to learn. I enter the nursing profession with eyes wide open and ears at the ready to listen to instruction and guidance. My prayer has been that God will open the doors to the BEST training hospital available. I am asking God boldly and persistently to hand pick nurses, nurse managers, CNA's and a hospital to provide me with the training needed to be a skilled, competent, knowledgeable nurse. I trust him for this next big step into the unknown. He's brought me this far and I trust him to continue opening doors and leading me into the calling he has prepared for me.
IT'S AN EXCITING JOURNEY
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| I love this girl! Me and Marisa - my study buddy and closest friend from nursing school :) |
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